I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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