The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
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he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
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I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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