I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
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I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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