I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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So stoned i forgot i was in bed
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
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He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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