he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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