I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
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we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
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I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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