it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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