how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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