i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize