I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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