made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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