I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just threw up on my dentist
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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