sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You're like the curious george of whores
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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