So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
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Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
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Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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