How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
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i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
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I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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