Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize