i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
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woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
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Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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