I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The air taste purple.
Randomize