you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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