why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize