coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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