she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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