It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize