I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My liver just broke up with me...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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