I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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