I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
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You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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