Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize