watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize