i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
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Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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