If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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