whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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