I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
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I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
my poor anus
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