Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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