i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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