Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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