the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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