Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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