Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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