Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
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I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
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This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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