its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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