Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
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he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
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I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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