even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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