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she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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