Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
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my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
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Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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