dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
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the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
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Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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