Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
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When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
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I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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