bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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