I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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