Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
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Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
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We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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