i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I have aggressive nipples.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize